Addressing the Common Cause of Bullying and School Violence

Wed, 05/07/2008 - 22:50 — Ronald Brill

Is there a common and preventable cause of impulses and actions by students who have the urge to kill or wound as many of their school mates as possible? That question lies behind much of the research and development of education programs such as this website. There is tremendous need for schools to help strengthen students' ability to deal with painful feelings like rejection and humiliation which can set-off indiscriminant aggression, bullying and school violence against innocents.

It is obvious that too many pre-teens and teens in our school lack the basic, healthy skills to deal with and recover from their own painful experiences of being bullied and teased. This leads to the cycle of pain in which hurt students hurt students!  Coping skills aren't optional. They need to be part of every student's education. Kids who can't cope may develop uncontrollable rage that leads to lashing out against those classmates they feel deserve the wounded person's murderous revenge. Even more become emotionally crippled by sadness and depression.

Too many teens sense that "I am helpless to deal with my pain and suffering." That sense of helplessness fuels the rage "to get even" or even end one's own life. School shooters often do both. Schools have no way of identifying these emotionally wounded and coping-challenged students who lack the resilience and brain-function awareness to deal with their emotional pain. This is why we've tried to offer an Internet site to help kids learn these vital skills.

Students suffering such gnawing pain and resentment often disguise their suffering with anti-social behavior. Many become "outcasts" and join others to "justify" their increasing and deepening resentment and rage. This stored pain and growing resentment is a component in virtually every student mass murder and plots to avenge one's "nameless" and "stigmatizing emotional wounds. We shouldn't forget that for every student mass murder of peers at school, there are thousands more students who silently turn their rage inward as depression, substance abuse, identifying as being an outcast and isolate.

High risk behavior and self-harm, from eating disorders to suicide, is too often the only method such coping-challenged teens have to "express" their hidden pain. Neuroscience has discovered it is changes in the teenage brain that prompts hypersensitive responses to emotional pain and hormone-fueled over-reactions to emotional distress.

By the time these at-risk, coping deficient kids reach their teenage years it is often too late to begin teaching these simple brain-based coping skills. For this reason coping skills and brain function awareness and regulation must begin during the pre-teen years -- grades 4-6. But schools, rather than focusing on ensuring students have effective coping skills to truly prevent such tragedies, tend to add more armed security guards, metal detectors, and tighter emergency policies to prepare for such horrifying student actions to "avenge" their own pain. The most powerful weapon against such threats is to ensure that all students learn basic skills required to help themselves develop the resilience and self-management capabilities necessary for higher levels of self-discipline and self-management..  

These capabilities are embodied in brain function literacy, which is the basis for learning and practicing healthy coping skills. These are skills students will carry with them for life. The investment is small. The dividends enormous!  Education is the cheapest form of prevention. Schools and parents now have a new website, www.copingskills4kids.net, which is a free resource for encouraging pre-teen students and parents to use on their own. We all have a stake in making sure families know about such resources like this that can be accessed at school and/or home.